you bitch.

haha. so last night was a complete knockoff. -.-"

i actually forgot it was halloween until the doorbell rang. (argh that dumb bitch) i was like "wtff?" and i opened the door and these kids were like TRICK OR TREAT. and i was like oooooh yeah, huh?!     i actually have never been on the other side of the door on halloween. :\\ very weird.. i asked this one girl if i could have her candy because she had 2 pillowcases full of them. FULL!!

anywhome. it sucked being alone on halloween total crap. argh. you lucky lucky tot-ters. :| [tear] lol. yeah hmmkeywhateveerr. we went to 99ranch - boba - gym. hoopla! i did not know ive lost weight. seriously... id expected to get fatter but...94lbs with shoes ON doesnt sound so bad, right? ...right. ontoo away. i have a project due tomorrow and havent started. :\ what ay dump.

im so sick here. sure family is okay except for a certain asshole who is a fucking crossdresser [cough alex cough.] but with noone i know here- oh myyy hearttt- its hell. argh. when i come back to culver - ill kick them all with mey kickass combat boots [ ♥ ] . heheh. blah.

oh yeah. mom opened me a savings acct. there goes all my precious money... :[ - well not really. $300 worth. roarr. ahah. [ hear me ROARRRRR!! ] hehehehe. i think i shall post a picture of the humongo tumbleweed and the boy-jojo. :) tumble.Collapse )

  • Current Mood
    cynical cynical

(no subject)

so this evening was soo emo. i thought alot- which isnt good because it leads to depression. god i feel so lonely. nothing really helps either. not even talking it out. nope. i have noone to talk to anyway. i have to do everything mysself. im not good at that. im very independent- but its not like anyone can live with noone to have fun with or talk to. god- how spoiled am i right? doesnt it seem like were so self obsessed when we think about things in the past. but when youre actualy feeling it there and then- its so intense. i love jackie and kadee. me lovely therapists- most of me wants to just run but another part is telling to stop bitching when i have pretty good. oh well. no matter how much i bitch about it- i still have to live right?

  • Current Mood
    guilty emo

long-but-worth-reading entry. so read.

happy lame halloween.
</strong>one i will spend un-TOTing. 


no school today and monday. 4day weekend. some fucking retarded holiday. no- not halloween, bimbo. blah. im going to the gym tomorrow, yay excercise. im getting effing FAT. blah whatev.

argh. i went through my stuff and journals- found a VERY old emo poem. - look at hello__emokid  - it actually made me sad again. ergh. one line i wrote landed me on super bummer mode- "she wants to feel- just not too much". its soo lonely here- like noone can imagine. and so everythings like- numb. you can't feel happiness or total sadness or too much anger (well maybe.) BUT. its like you want to feel things; but the things around you have no effect on you- youre just neutral. which is totally weird. and everything - sigh. i think way too much. dearr.

anywhom. i went shopping for jeans yesterday. totally unsuccessful.

i got everything but jeans. although i scored kickass vans. :) yay.

then a scarf and a jesusismyhomeboy shirt. whoot. :) and more presents from this church lady. now no school today, liq.eyeliner blush eyemakeup, new clothes. put two and two together. and of course- i kept busy. :)

and now, ladies and gentlemen, i introduce you my shoelingCollapse )

onto the next subject. - my doodles. god i dont know how long ive been doing this but doodling is fcuking addictive. and ill show you samples of my work. i think theyre hot- and thats because ive worked hours on these (actually one a schoolday- when im very bored.) anywhats- enjoy, dorks. 7Collapse )

-huge edit-

anywhooo. i forgot to tell you guys the super freaky dream i had last night. :0 its soo weird anywhats- hereCollapse )
  • Current Music
    all american rejects - swing swing swing

emo post

fuck. i lost all my pictures from retreat. fuuck. argh.

anywho. the retreat was pretty fun and everything. it was actually nice to have the pastor tell the cold truth other than making it seem so effing FAKE. yeaah. and jojo still has my shirt. grr.

yeah. okay. i just dont get it because when im in la its like everythings cool again and RIGHT when i come in the house- i get so fucking pissed at EVRYTHING. everything here just IRRITATES the shit out of me. and like at the retreat i see these people who've probably gone through alot of things and god helped them- but i do that because i dont know why- i just dont get the rushy feeling that i think alot of people get and i dont know why. and when im here- everything and everyone from everywhere ignores me. especially la people. its like when im not there i DONT EXIST. and that scares the crap out of me. bad things happen to me here. its like i cant be happy here. when i was in culver- i could sleep and not think about things. here id just think alot and then cry myself to sleep. then wake up and remember things again and i get depressed the whole day. that sucks. and i have no motivation to do anything. nothing. everythings so lonely here and i have to deal everything all by myself. wtf is up with that?

agh. fucking frustrating

  • Current Mood
    crushed crushed

(no subject)

argh. today was moron. this girl came up to me and asked me "are you really asian?" and i was already cranky and so i was being sarcastic and said- "no im jewish" with the -.-" look. and she went over to her table and said -"see you guys, you were lying. shes not asian." and i was like. wtf. what a total asswHipe. with an H! rawr. dumbass ditz.


abnormal birthday pictures.Collapse )

  • Current Mood
    awake awake

birthday post

happy 14th to moi. :)

good lord. finally. a kickass week.

errrm. yeah so im 14 NOW and on fridee iyo jojo and my dad came and stayed until saturday night. yeah. satrday, rika thomas and anthony came over for liek 3 hours and ate sushi. damn- its been a long time. long time. and then opened presents- socks, sweater, backpack, $, and ipod.  i was like- whoa. because it was the mini one and those are way more expensive than the pretty white ones. i got silver... darn. the green couldve made it awesomer but whatev. then spent the $ on a digicam canon powershot. in which btw - anyone help me install because its being majorly retarded. and then ate around with other people and church poeple i didnt know. me iyo and jojo took a hella lame pictures. hehehe.

today was NOTHING. although it was originally my birthday- no not yesterday- so i just chilled and did hw- as fidgucking usual. them went to the mall for dress shoes- no luck. then attempted to install camera and download the images to my computer- in which i failed. nect i shall attempt to install itunes and use the ipod. blah.

cant wait till friday. nyeheh.

  • Current Mood
    content content

(no subject)

bittersweet melancholy.

im clearing out my buddy list. i hate looking at it and see how many people i could talk to but then i realize, they probably dont give a fuck.

shit. jojos not coming because of her stupid mother. i hate her mom so much right not. argh. do you see? this is always what happens. i look forward to something and everything has to get fucked up. why? okay. this is seriously not fair.  WTF. this is so fucked up. and i still wonder why i still havnt done anything bad or hostal and stil bad things keep fucking happening to me.

if alot of this keeps happening. god is dead.

wtf. i cant handle it anymore.


  • Current Mood
    enraged enraged

(no subject)

blah . nothing happens nowadays. everyone ignores me and i never talk to anyone- :| - predictable i guess.

14th - 1/2 day.
16th - jojo and iyo visits. good lord- finally.
17th - birthday. :)  camera and clothes shoping with jojo. and. stuff?
18th - cousin's birthday ;; long phone convo.
19th - math test and haircut?
22nd - skip school + jet myself to la. yay. and probably see friends.
22nd, 23th, 24th - retreat. -_-"
24th - jet back. im planning a plan. shhh.
29th - no school. wtf. i don't know. 
31st - halloween. nothing. 

whoa. long month. - uh. noyeah anywho. youre lame. yeakaybye

god. people are lame now. everyone either annoys me or ignores me. or they steal my fucking things [cougn alex cough] fucking crossdresser. if you ever have alex in your house never let him out of your site. hes a fucking shitbag thief.

yeah anywho. youre lame. yeakaybye

  • Current Mood
    crappy crappy

(no subject)

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates anine =)
your best quality isyou dont follow the crowd
your worst quality isyou want what you cant have
this is becauseother people influenced you
Quiz created with MemeGen!

hehehe. anyways... i was thinking. [yes im a thinker now. shuttup]

anyways. i cant wait til the 17th because its mey birthday. which is awesome. :\ camera or ipod. i think camera. yeah anyywho. the week after that- on friday- i go to la. i hope i get to see some of my cc friends after school. yeaah. and then retreaaattt. -_____-. blah. anywhoome.

more thinking. im getting so scared to grow up. yeah we all say like... im gonna have a kickass place and everything but we have to support ourself all by oursself... and then work. sargh. college? ayye. its like so frustrating to think about it
  • Current Music
    greenday - time of your life